Overnight Chauncey
Overnight Chauncey 'is the fifteenth prank call in the Crotchety Old Man Calls series. Transcript ''(ringback tone) 'Pre-Recorded Message: '''Thank you for calling ''(censored). To schedule a pick-up using your ''(censored) ''account number, press "1". '''Milton: ''(wails) No! '''Pre-Recorded Message: '''For delivery information on a specific shipment, press "2". '''Milton: '''I need my son! ''(wails) Pre-Recorded Message: 'For information about international shipping, press "3". '''Milton: '''I lost my kid! '''Pre-Recorded Message: '''For other information, or to speak with a customer representative, press the star key. '''Milton: '''Yes, yes! Yes! Star! ''(Milton frantically presses the star key on his phone) '''Milton: STAAAAAAAAAAAAR!!!........Star! Terri: ''(censored), this is Terri Lowe. How can I help you? '''Milton: '''Oh! Thank God you've answered! Terri, I've got a package emergency on my hands! '''Terri: '''Okay, um, h- wha-what, uh...type of emergency? '''Milton: '''I shipped something out and it hasn't gotten to the destination yet! '''Terri: '''Okay, sir. What was the airbill number? '''Milton: '''0-6-3-4-8-0-4-8-1-1! '''Terri: '''I'm sorry, sir. I don't have any record of that...uh, shipment. '''Milton: '''It's not in the system?! '''Terri: '''No, sir. '''Milton: '''Oh, my God! We've got a catastrophe on our hands! Let me explain what's going on! '''Terri: '''Okay. '''Milton: '''I guess it's time for me to come clean! '''Terri: '''Okay, sir. Just calm down and tell me what's wrong. '''Milton: '(weeps) ''We couldn't afford to send my fat kid Chauncey on a regular airliner to see Grandma, so...(weeps) I packed him in a box and I shipped him out ''(censored)! Terri: 'You what?! '''Milton: '''I packed him up with this tape... ''(Milton unravels packaging tape) 'Milton: '''And shipped him out! '''Terri: '''Y-you're trying to tell me you sent out a human in a box? '''Milton: '''Yes! Chauncey! My 375-pound bundle of love! ''(cries) 'Terri: '''Okay, hold on. Let me get my supervisor. '''Milton: '''Okay! ''(continues crying) (Milton is put on hold; hold line plays relaxing piano music) 'Pre-Recorded Message: '''Due to unusually high call volume, our representatives are still busy. Thank you for continuing to hold. ''(Milton still on hold; music still playing) 'Connie: '''Hello, this is Connie Morris. Uh, do I understand that you shipped a human being? '''Milton: '''Yes, I shipped my fat kid Chauncey in a box! ''(cries) 'Connie: '''You shipped your son?! '''Milton: '''Yes! We couldn't afford an airliner so I stuffed him in the box! It was a very heavy load! '''Connie: '''Where did this package originate from? '''Milton: '''Tampa, Florida! '''Connie: '''Okay, and- '''Milton: '''My name is Milton Fludgecow! F-L-U-D-G-E-C-O-W; Fludgecow! ''(cries) '''Connie: '''Okay, okay, and uh...you said this originated in Tampa? '''Milton: '''Tampa! It was going to Albuquerque! He was gonna visit Grandma! '''Connie: '''Okay, going to- '''Milton: '''AHH!!! You gotta find Chauncey! '''Connie: '''How could you ship a human being in a box like that? Okay, we're g- ''(pauses) ''We're gonna have to call the police on this, um... '''Milton: '''No! Let's keep the police out of it! '''Connie: '''No, no, I'm gonna need- I'm gonna need your home phone number so we can get in touch with you but- '''Milton: '''I- woah, woah, woah, woah! Wait a sec! I put some chocolate chip cookies-! '''Connie: '''We need to find where your son is! '''Milton: ''(stammering) I- I know, but he had some-! '''Connie: '''We have no record... '''Milton: '''He had some cookies! '''Connie: '...of proper shipment. Milton: 'I gave him some water in a squirt bottle; he had a ham sandwich, and-! '''Connie: '''We're gonna have to get the police's help on this... '''Milton: '''Well, I even slapped...a fragile sticker on top! ''(Milton fumbles phone around) '''Milton: ''(whines)'' 'Connie: '''Sir...sir, we have no record of this. We need the police. I'm gonna need your home phone number. '''Milton: '''Do I get a refund since he wasn't there by 10:30? He had- he had his little Nintendo Game Boy in there to keep him company! '''Connie: '''I don't care what you did for him! You do not ship a human being in a box! '''Milton: '''I'm sorry! '''Connie: '''We are going to need to get the police and we are going to need to get some information from you... '''Milton: '''I can't hear you! The connection's getting very staticky! '''Connie: '''Okay, we're gonna get in touch with the police- '''Milton: '''I- what?! '''Connie: '''I need information from you. '''Milton: '''I can't hear you! '''Connie: '''I need information from you! ''(Milton's hearing aid falls out) 'Milton: '''My hearing aid fell out! I can't hear you! '''Connie: '''Please give me your address and phone number... '''Milton: '''I can't-! '''Connie: '...so we can get the police to help! 'Milton: '''Ah! Whoop! Gotta go! Bye-bye! '''Connie: '''Please, sir... '''Milton: '''Blagh-! ''(ringback tone) Category:Prank calls